Peace in Cyprus, immediately, NOW. (Tr: Kıbrıs’ta barış, hemen, ŞİMDİ.)

I have been living for 21 years; But actually I don't exist. I have been living for 21 years; But no one knows my existence, no one knows me... Because I was a baby born from a mixed marriage in an unrecognized country, in the last divided capital of the world... Today, I went to the Identity Office of the Republic of Cyprus with my grandfather. I approached the officer at the door: “Hello, I come from the north of Cyprus,” I said. “I had an appointment, I was going to apply for an ID,” I added. “Why didn't you have an ID until now?” the guard at the door asked me. “I was born in Cyprus. My mother is Cypriot. "I couldn't get an ID because my father is of Turkish origin," I said. The guard at the door suddenly stood up and said to me: "You don't belong here." My hopes were dashed again. I couldn't get my job done. So what, am I not a 'Cypriot' now? My grandmother, grandfather, mother, and even many of my elders always lived in these lands; But still, this is my hometown, right? So where do I belong? This question has been going around in my head ever since I was little. That's why I've encountered many problems over the years. Even though I graduated from Turkish Maarif College with honors, I could not enter the school I wanted abroad. I went to Turkey to study at university and was treated as a 'foreign national'. This division on the island divides not only the country but also families. My mother and father separated when I was 2 years old, and I always lived with my mother. I will never forget, my mother, my stepfather, my brother went abroad from Larnaca Airport; I stayed at home while they were on holiday. Can you imagine the psychology of this? According to the Republic of Cyprus, I am not a 'Cypriot', according to the Republic of Turkey, I am not a 'Turkish', so what am I? For years, I always felt bad, there was a huge void inside me, I didn't know where I belonged. Wherever I tried to seek refuge, I was always excluded. 'Motherland' nationalism and the Cyprus problem got in the way of my dreams. I don't want any more children to experience what I experienced. Therefore, peace in Cyprus, immediately, NOW.

(Published in Gazedda and Özgür Gazete on 06.02.2022.)

https://ozgurgazetekibris.com/kibris/81999-bu-yuzden-kibrista-baris-hemen-simdi.html

https://gazeddakibris.com/yillarca-hep-kendimi-kotu-hissettim-nereye-ait-oldugumu-bilemedim-sude-dogan/


***

Turkish:

21 senedir yaşıyorum; ama aslında ben yokum. 21 senedir yaşıyorum; fakat kimse benim varlığımı bilmiyor, kimse beni tanımıyor… Çünkü ben, tanınmayan bir ülkede, dünyanın bölünmüş son başkentinde, karma bir evlilikten dünyaya gelen bir bebektim… Bugün dedemle Kıbrıs Cumhuriyeti Kimlik Dairesi’ne gittim. Kapıdaki görevliye yaklaştım: “Merhaba, ben Kıbrıs’ın kuzeyinden geliyorum,” dedim. “Randevum vardı, kimlik çıkarmak için başvuru yapacaktım,” diye ekledim. “Neden şimdiye kadar kimliğin yoktu ki,” diye sordu bana kapıdaki görevli. “Ben Kıbrıs’ta doğdum. Annem Kıbrıslı. Babam Türk asıllı olduğu için kimlik alamadım,” dedim. Kapıdaki görevli birden ayaklandı ve bana: “Sen buraya ait değilsin,” dedi. Tekrardan umutlarım yıkıldı. İşimi halledemedim. Ne yani, ben ‘Kıbrıslı’ değil miyim şimdi? Anneannem, dedem, annem, hatta nice büyüklerim hep bu topraklarda yaşadı; ama yine de benim memleketim burası değil mi? Peki ben nereye aitim? Küçüklüğümden beri kafamın içinde hep dönüp dolaşır bu soru. Yıllarca nice sorunlarla karşılaştım bu yüzden. Türk Maarif Koleji’ni dereceyle bitirmeme rağmen yurtdışında istediğim okula giremedim. Üniversite okumak için Türkiye’ye gittim, ‘yabancı uyruklu’ muamelesi gördüm. Adadaki bu bölünmüşlük sadece ülkeyi değil, aileleri de bölüyor. Ben 2 yaşındayken annem ve babam ayrıldı, ben hep annemle yaşadım. Hiç unutmam, annem, üvey babam, kardeşim, Larnaka Havaalanı’ndan yurtdışına gitti; onlar tatildeyken ben evde oturdum. Bunun psikolojisini hayal edebiliyor musunuz? Kıbrıs Cumhuriyeti’ne göre ben ‘Kıbrıslı’ değilim, Türkiye Cumhuriyeti’ne göre ben ‘Türkiyeli’ değilim, peki ben neyim? Yıllarca hep kendimi kötü hissettim, içimde kocaman bir boşluk oluştu, nereye ait olduğumu bilemedim. Nereye sığınmaya çalışsam hep dışlandım. ‘Anavatan’ milliyetçiliği ve Kıbrıs sorunu hayallerimin önüne geçti. Ben daha fazla çocuk benim yaşadıklarımı yaşasın istemiyorum. Bu yüzden, Kıbrıs’ta barış, hemen, ŞİMDİ.

(06.02.2022 tarihinde Gazedda ve Özgür Gazete’de yayınlanmıştır.)


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